Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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