he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
