i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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