Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
