Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
