Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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