the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
