You're so nebulous sometimes
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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