He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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