Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
