Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
