we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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