its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
