I am puke
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
