puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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