i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
