I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
