Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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