Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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