we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
