True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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