Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
