so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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