we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
