dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
