..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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