I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
