I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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