The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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