a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
