Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
