Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
