I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
