So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
