it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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