We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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