Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
