and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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