It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
