the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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