my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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