Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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