Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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