Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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