Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize