We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
