Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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