We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
