We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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