Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
