If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
