Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
