I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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