Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
