There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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