btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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