can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
