Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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