We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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