It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
