gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
