Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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