we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
