omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
