Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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