It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
