Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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