you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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