Don't you send me to vm
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
